Wednesday, June 30, 2010

New Synopsis--What do you think?

Hey guys and gals,

I thought I'd post my new synopsis out here for you all to take a look at. What do you think? Any feedback is appreciated.

Thanks!

Synopsis—Beauty Secrets


Every Beauty Secret representative knows two things: never come between a woman and her lipstick, and always keep your client’s secrets. Unfortunately Keira Diaz didn’t get that memo.

While making a beauty delivery to Marion Siebold’s house, Keira finds her client unconscious on the floor. The police arrive as Marion comes to and it’s revealed that Marion’s playboy husband, Roger, is missing.

The police are quick to dismiss the case, assuming Roger ran off with a girlfriend. Most of the town, including the police, are more concerned with finding a kidnapped little girl. That is, until Roger’s body is found.

Strangled by a pair of black nylons and with red lipstick smeared on his collar, Roger’s murder was set up to look like a crime of passion. Keira recognizes the shade of lipstick, Goodbye Kiss, from last fall’s line, but unlike the police, she’s not convinced a woman committed the murder.

Suddenly, Keira’s job goes from selling lipstick to solving murder.
Keira is safe until she uncovers the murderer's secrets. She was right—a woman didn’t murder Roger, his business partner did. Seth Perez couldn’t risk financial ruin if Roger’s corrupt practices became public. Embezzling funds from the notorious Vincent Delgado was bound to ruin them both.

The plan had initially been for Roger to fake his own death and run off with his girlfriend, leaving the insurance money to settle his debt. But when the plan fell through, Seth took matters into his own hands—killing Roger and then setting Delgado up to take the fall. Seth even made it appear that Delgado used Roger’s playboy reputation to set the murder up.

Keira puts the pieces together when she finds the Goodbye Kiss lipstick from the crime scene at Seth’s house. Mastering the art of female persuasion, Keira seduces Seth into confessing. Things get dicey when Seth takes Keira’s flattery too far. Not understanding the word “no,” Keira is forced to knock Seth out with more than a kiss. Thank heavens for crystal vases and women who aren't afraid to fight.

9 comments:

Valerie Geary said...

Two thumbs up from me! I even laughed a couple times... which I think is a good thing?? The voice is coming through and the plot is clear... I think that's about all you can ask of a synopsis. :)

Shannon O'Donnell said...

I love it! I agree with Valerie about the voice - that's the best part! I think it may be a little too long, though. Not sure about synopsis length...

Great job, Steph. It sounds like my kind of book.

Stephanie said...

I think it's good...the opening paragraph hooked me right away!!!

I have a few suggestions that I hope can help!

I think you could skip the part about the kidnapped girl and just say "other things" . As a reader, I want to know about the little girl, and if she has no bearing on the story, it shouldn't be mentioned. But if it does, I need more info about her.

Forth paragraph...why does it look like a set up and what makes her think it's not a woman??

Fifth paragraph- how did she get involved in solving the crime and how does she find out it's his business partner?

Last paragraph- maybe move the part about finding the lipstick up a little??

Really liked the last couple lines!!

What is the plan for this synopsis?? It's far too long for a query letter but I think it's good for a short synopsis. I think you need a longer one too. There are certain parts that could use a bit more clarification, as mentioned above. I usually have several synopses prepared- a 1 page, a 2 page, then a 4-5 page, and then another very detailed synopsis at 8-10 pages. Sometimes an agent's submission guidelines will specifically ask for a one page synopsis, some just say "short" and I'll give them the 2 page one. Others just say "synopsis" and that's when I generally give them the 4-5 pager.

Good luck..hope this helps!!

Joe Iriarte said...

Good synopsis. I like your voice and I especially like the first paragraph.

Around halfway to two-thirds of the way through is where some bits don't quite fit together for me, since I haven't read your MS. Maybe an agent would have some of the same confusion. Seth Pérez killed Roger but he made it look like Vincent Delgado did it, but like Delgado made it look like a woman did it? How does person A make it look like person B framed person C?

I know it's a synopsis, but if there was some way I could understand how Díaz unravels all of this it'd be cool. I don't have any suggestions on that score, though. It just kind of seems like she has no connections to these people, other than Siebold, so I can't figure out how she gets access.

What is the significance of Keira recognizing the shade of lipstick? You seem to emphasize this point, but I'm not sure why. Does this relate to how she knows it's not a crime of passion? It seems like her position as a Beauty Secret representative gives her some insight, but I'm not sure why.

Does the kidnapped little girl matter later on in the story?

You've got a couple of dangling clauses. "Strangled by a pair of black nylons and with red lipstick smeared on his collar, Roger’s murder was set up to look like a crime of passion." The subject of this sentence is "murder," so you're saying the murder was strangled and the murder has lipstick. "Not understanding the word 'no,' Keira is forced to knock Seth out with more than a kiss." The subject of this sentence is Keira, so this sentence seems to say that Keira doesn't understand the meaning of "no."

I hope this is helpful. Good luck!

Steph Damore said...

Thanks Valerie and Shannon! As for the length, it's less than one page (and the agent asked for a page, so...). It looks much longer on the blog.

Steph Damore said...

Thanks Valerie and Shannon! As for the length, it's less than one page (and the agent asked for a page, so...). It looks much longer on the blog.

Steph Damore said...

Thanks Joe, you've made some really great points, esp. the grammatical ones. The plot has a lot of twists and turns and it's been hard for me to summarize that in a short synopsis. I'll go back and look at your suggestions. And yes, the kidnapped little girl is very much a part of the story.

Steph Damore said...

Thanks Stephanie for your feedback. Yes, the kidnapped little girl is part of the story. All the characters are tied together and that's how the plot keeps pulling Keira into solving the crime.

As for the plan, this was requested one page synopsis. My query letter one is much shorter, basically a paragraph or two. I have a longer synopsis as well that gets into the plot more, but this one seemed to highlight the key plot points.

Your questions really helped me see the MS from another perspective. Thanks for your insight!

A misinterpreted wave said...

I liked it, the opening paragraph really hooked me in, but I got lost a few times in the middle. I agree with the comments made by the previous posters, and would love to see your next draft. It definitely sounds intriguing